No Revenge Necessary
I appreciate a well-executed revenge narrative as much as the next person. I will gleefully rewatch Gone Girl, meticulously analyse Villanelle’s methods, and momentarily entertain the idea of orchestrating a decade-long reckoning. However, in practice? The effort. The admin. The logistics. I would much rather take a nap.
The truth is, I have never had to seek revenge. Not even once. And this is not due to some magnanimous commitment to forgiveness or inner tranquillity (lol, please). Rather, it is because every individual who has ever attempted to diminish me has led a life so unappealing, possessed a heart so embittered, and exuded a general energy so lacklustre that I could not, in good conscience, envy them in any capacity. This is not arrogance; it is simply an observation of fact.
Exhibit A: The Ex Who Believed I Would Never Find Better
Ah, the classic. We all have one, do we not? Mine, armed with the unfounded confidence of a man who had recently discovered Jordan Peterson, once asserted that I would struggle to find another who truly “understood” me. In reality, he did not comprehend me in the slightest; he merely enjoyed the illusion of intellectual superiority that my presence afforded him.
Fast forward a few years, and while I am out here thriving, sipping overpriced cocktails, making regrettable yet entertaining choices in foreign cities, he remains firmly entrenched in the same hometown pub, pontificating about cryptocurrency to a group of thoroughly disinterested acquaintances.
Revenge? Darling, I require no such thing. His existence is punishment enough.
Exhibit B: The Frenemy Who Mastered the Art of Backhanded Compliments
This individual was a virtuoso in the realm of subtle sabotage. The kind of person who would remark, “I admire your confidence in wearing that” or “You’re so lucky you’re not preoccupied with designer labels.” The human equivalent of a wasp... seemingly insignificant, yet capable of inflicting disproportionate psychological distress.
She once took great delight in declaring in a bar that my ex had “undoubtedly downgraded,” as though I were the lacklustre sequel to a cinematic masterpiece. Darling, I am the franchise. Curiously, she is now in a relationship with a man who bears an uncanny resemblance to a stock image of ‘Generic Male in Business Casual’. A personality vacuum, devoid of charm, wit, or defining features.
Karma? I am far too engaged in my own successes to investigate, but I imagine it has been served at an unpalatable temperature.
Exhibit C: The Employer Who Considered My Potential a Threat
We have all encountered that superior. The one who perceives youthful enthusiasm as a personal affront. Mine was convinced that I was intent on usurping her position (as though I aspired to inherit her permanently frazzled disposition). She micromanaged, obstructed, and generally transformed the workplace into an endurance test in maintaining one’s composure.
Where is she now? Still stagnating in the same position, still radiating discontent, and still viewing every competent young professional as a harbinger of her professional demise. Meanwhile, I have advanced, evolved, and secured an environment where my contributions are valued rather than feared.
Revenge? She is living it.
The Ultimate Test: Would I Trade Lives?
Whenever someone attempts to undermine me, I pose a simple question to myself: Would I exchange lives with them? Without fail, the answer remains a resounding absolutely not.
Why invest time and energy in elaborate retaliation when their reality is already sufficiently bleak? The most exquisite revenge is living well, laughing unapologetically, and curating an Instagram feed that suggests an endless parade of “look at me know, kiss kiss”.
So, the next time you find yourself contemplating the perfect retort or meticulously plotting retribution, pause for a moment. Observe their life. Their decisions. Their uneven haircut or their affinity for ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ home décor.
And remember, darling: you have already emerged victorious.
