Platonic or Problematic?

Let’s be honest, this is one of those debates that resurfaces every few months like an ex who suddenly "just wants to check in." Can men and women actually be just friends, or is there always a lingering sense of will they, won’t they?

Hollywood, bless its drama-loving heart, has spent decades convincing us that platonic friendships between men and women are about as real as my commitment to the gym in January. If rom-coms have taught us anything, it’s that the guy best friend is always one deep and meaningful conversation away from declaring his undying love. Cue dramatic rain-soaked confession.

But let’s bring it back to real life, where not every man I know is secretly composing love sonnets about my latte order.

Exhibit A: My Own (Very Platonic) Male Friends

I have male friends (shock horror) and, brace yourselves, we have never so much as exchanged a flirty emoji. These are men I have spent late nights with, shared way too much pizza with, and cried about ridiculous things in front of (like the time my nail technician filed one nail slightly shorter than the rest, still traumatised). And yet, somehow, we’ve managed to keep it strictly platonic.

But let’s be real. It can get awkward. Quick. Picture it, your lovely, dependable, totally platonic guy friend suddenly hits you with the dreaded, "So… I need to tell you something." We all know what’s coming next, and it’s rarely, "I just found an amazing two-for-one pizza deal."

It happened to me once with a close male friend who I genuinely saw as a brother. We had years of inside jokes, we knew each other’s horrible dating histories, and he was one of the few people who could tell when I was lying about being "totally fine." Then one day, over coffee (classic setup), he nervously told me he had feelings for me.

Cue internal panic.

I won’t lie, it was awkward. Not because I wasn’t flattered as he’s a great guy! But because I had never, not even for a second, considered him in that way. I felt like I had been going along watching a completely different film while he’d been quietly building up to some dramatic love confession.

Did it ruin the friendship? For a while, yes. Things got weird, and we drifted apart. But not all friendships that hit this bump have to end in disaster. I know plenty of people who have navigated it successfully. The key? Honesty, kindness, and a mutual willingness to either redefine or rebuild the friendship.

And then, of course, there’s the other version of this story. The one where he confesses his feelings… and, surprise surprise, I feel the same way.

Let me tell you, few things in life feel as cinematic as realising you and your best mate have been dancing around each other for years, only to finally come clean. It’s the dream setup, right? You already know each other’s weird quirks, embarrassing stories, and coffee orders. There’s no awkward small talk, no pretending to be cool… you’ve seen each other at your absolute worst (I’m talking hangover-level bad) and still think, Yeah, I fancy you.

For a while, it was perfect. Effortless. Like stepping into a relationship that had already been years in the making. But here’s the bittersweet part, when you date your best friend, you’re not just risking a breakup; you’re gambling with the friendship, too.

Because when it ended, as these things sometimes do, I didn’t just lose a boyfriend, I lost a friend. The person I used to text memes to, the one I’d call for advice, the one who knew exactly how I liked my tea. That’s the tricky part of falling for your best mate: if it works, it’s magic; if it doesn’t, you’re left trying to figure out if you can ever go back to how things were before.

Studies have actually looked into this (because apparently, we need data to confirm what common sense should tell us), and yes, men are more likely to overestimate a woman’s romantic interest. But here’s the kicker, just because some men might be hoping for more doesn’t mean all friendships are ticking time bombs of unresolved tension.

Also, let’s give men some credit. They are fully capable of seeing a woman as a human being rather than just a potential love interest. And if they can’t? Well, that’s not a friendship issue, that’s a him issue.

Let’s take a minute to also think of the benefits here?

One of my closest male friends is my go-to for brutally honest dating advice. He has single-handedly stopped me from texting my ex more times than I care to admit, and in return, I coach him through the minefield of decoding “haha” texts from women.

Plus, there’s something incredibly freeing about having a friend who can offer a male perspective without the added stress of wondering whether he secretly wants to snog me. I can send a photo asking, “Does this dress make me look sophisticated or like I’m trying too hard?” without worrying about hidden subtext.

The verdict? Of course men and women can be just friends! Do feelings sometimes get in the way? Sure. But that’s not an exclusively male-female issue; it’s just a people issue. If we dismissed every friendship that had a fleeting moment of attraction, we’d all be very lonely, and I for one am not ready to become a hermit just yet.

So the next time someone claims that men and women can’t possibly maintain a platonic friendship, just smile, sip your drink, and let them keep living in their outdated rom-com fantasy. Meanwhile, I’ll be over here texting my male mate a meme about our mutual hatred of slow walkers, because, believe it or not, that’s the most romantic thing we’ll ever share.